You’re Not Alone in This Storm
Divorce is never easy. But when conflict runs high, the emotional fallout on children can leave even the most resilient parents awake at night, wondering if things will ever feel normal again.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re worried sick about how the constant arguments, tension, or uncertainty of your high-conflict divorce are affecting your child. Maybe you’re like Sarah, a mom who just wants her kids to laugh again, or Michael, a dad who can’t bear to see his children carrying adult burdens. Wherever you are in your journey, know this– Your concern for your child’s well-being is exactly where it should be.
At Jones Law Firm, PC, we understand what you’re facing—not just because we’re family law professionals with decades of courtroom experience in Colorado, but because many of us are parents too. We see firsthand how quickly high-conflict situations can shift from frustrating to overwhelming. Our promise? To guide you with compassion, strategic expertise, and a relentless focus on your child’s best interests. It isn’t just a legal buzzword—it’s the heart of everything we do.
What Does “Best Interests of the Child” Really Mean in Colorado?
Let’s tackle one of the most important questions parents ask: What exactly does it mean to make decisions based on “the best interests of the child”? In Colorado and nearly everywhere else, the law requires judges to focus on what will truly serve your child’s physical, emotional, and developmental needs. Sound vague? Let’s break it down.
The courts look at:
- Stable, loving relationships
Kids need regular, meaningful contact with both parents (when it’s safe and healthy). The court wants to see you support your child’s bond with the other parent—even when you’d rather not. This isn’t about rewarding your ex– it’s about protecting your child from feeling torn or isolated. - Consistency and routine
Children thrive on predictability. Amid chaos, keeping routines like bedtime, homework help, or Saturday soccer provides comfort. The less disruption, the better. - Safety and emotional health
Nothing trumps your child’s physical and emotional safety. If there’s abuse—emotional or physical—the court focuses laser-sharp on that. - Your child’s needs and wishes
Depending on age and maturity, your child’s feelings might be considered. But quirks of Colorado law mean no child “chooses” which parent to live with– instead, judges weigh their wishes as just one factor. Asking your child to “pick sides”? That’s a definite no-go (and courts know it’s harmful).
It’s easy to hear “best interests” and roll your eyes because, well, what does that even look like in practice? Think of it as a North Star—if each decision truly centers on what’s best for your child, you’ll be moving in the right direction (and the court will notice).
Why High-Conflict Divorce Hits Kids Hard
We’ve seen it time and time again—children caught in the crossfire of constant arguments, tension, or “silent treatment” between parents. You might not notice right away, but the stress adds up for them.
Here’s what can happen:
– Anxiety—the kind that shows up as stomachaches before school or trouble sleeping
– Guilt—believing they somehow caused your fights (kids almost always internalize the blame)
– Behavioral issues—acting out, withdrawal, or sudden clinginess in younger children
– Drop in school performance—when home feels unstable, learning takes a back seat
– Difficulty trusting others—as they struggle to make sense of changed relationships
Watch for these red flags:
– Sudden changes in appetite or sleep
– Regression (like clinginess or toileting accidents)
– Anger, sadness, or withdrawal from friends
Here’s the hopeful part, though– kids can be incredibly resilient when they feel protected, loved, and heard. And that’s where your actions, even amid conflict, really matter.
How to Shield Your Children from Adult Conflict
Let’s get practical. What can you do right now? The single most important thing– keep your kids out of the adult battles.
Start here:
- No fighting in front of your kids
Seriously. Even raised voices from the next room have a way of reaching curious little ears. If hand-offs (pick-ups/drop-offs) seem to always spark tension, consider meeting at school or a neutral location. - Never use them as messengers
“Tell your dad I want those papers signed tonight!”—Nope. They’re not your personal courier, nor are they built to carry adult stress. - Leave legal talk, legal talk
Kids shouldn’t see court documents or be privy to your legal moves. Even letting them overhear “I can’t believe what your mom’s lawyer is demanding now…” puts them in an impossible spot. - Resist the urge to vent about your ex in front of them
We know, easier said than done. But keeping your language neutral or respectful (“You’ll see Dad soon,” instead of “He made us late again!”) protects children from feeling stuck in the middle.
Pro Tip:
Tense interactions with your ex? Keep communication written (text, email) and focused on necessary topics only. Co-parenting apps designed for divorced parents can really help keep things business-like.
Remember: Normalcy is a shield. Preserve routines—meals together, weekend activities, bedtime stories—even on days when court hearings make you want to crawl into bed. Kids crave that steadiness.
Parental Alienation: Why Preventing It Protects Your Child
Here’s something most parents don’t realize– The court actually pays attention to whether you’re encouraging your child’s bond with the other parent. Trashing your co-parent (even by “just telling the truth”) isn’t just unhelpful—it can cost you in court.
Parental alienation is when one parent—sometimes unintentionally—turns a child against the other. That can look like:
– Bad-mouthing the other parent
– Telling the child things that are meant for adult ears
– Making the child feel guilty for enjoying time with their other parent
– Blocking phone calls or visits
– Using the child as a bargaining chip
Here’s how to avoid it:
- Speak positively— or at least neutrally—about the other parent
If your child misses their mom or dad, support those feelings: “I know you’ll see them soon, and they love you.” - Facilitate, don’t block, contact
Sometimes a simple Facetime or phone call can make a huge difference for a child missing the other parent. Share key info (like school events) so both parents stay involved. - Stick to the plan
Unless there’s a safety concern, follow court orders for time-sharing. “Punishing” your ex by keeping your child away only punishes your child.
It’s worth repeating: Judges in Colorado actually consider whether you support your child’s relationship with their other parent as part of the “best interests” calculation. If you’re the parent who builds bridges, that goes a very long way.
Putting Your Child’s Emotional Well-Being First
Even with all the logistics and legal strategy, kids’ emotional needs are easy to overlook. Here’s how you can help your child weather the storm:
- Keep talking and listening
Create space for your child to share their feelings—even if what they say is hard to hear. Sometimes it’s as simple as, “It’s normal to feel sad or mad. I’m always here for you.” - Reassure them it’s not their fault
Kids naturally think they cause adult problems. Remind them, over and over if needed, that grown-ups make these decisions and that both parents love them. - Maintain routines, reassure about what won’t change
Even small certainties help: “You’ll keep going to your same school,” or “Soccer is still on Saturdays.” - Quality time beats quantity
Carve out moments for fun—walks, board games, bedtime stories. Let these be safe, pressure-free times. - Watch for trouble signs
Sleep problems, withdrawn behavior, acting out—if these pop up, consider bringing in a professional.
It’s OK to get help—for your child, or yourself. In fact, it’s wise.
When, and Why, to Seek Professional Support
Look, divorce is tough on everyone. There’s no shame in saying, “We could use some outside help.” In fact, Colorado courts appreciate when parents take proactive steps.
Here are some options:
- Child therapy or counseling
A child therapist gives your son or daughter a safe place to talk. They’re trained at helping kids open up, and they’ll spot issues much earlier than most adults can. - Support groups for kids
Many communities offer groups where children of divorce meet others in the same boat. Often, just knowing they’re not alone does wonders for a child’s outlook and self-esteem.- School resources
Quietly let your child’s teacher or school counselor know what’s going on at home. They’re often the first to notice if your child starts zoning out, struggling socially, or slipping academically. Plus, they can offer extra support during tough days—sometimes even connecting families to local resources. - Co-parenting counseling
Yes, it can feel like a long shot if your ex is resistant, but co-parenting therapy or parenting classes can help both parents learn more constructive ways to communicate, even when direct talk is limited. It signals to the court—and to your kids—that you’re committed to doing right by them.
- School resources
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish—It’s Responsible Parenting
We get it– when your world is spinning, who has the bandwidth for self-care? But here’s the truth nobody says enough—your emotional state sets the tone for your kids. If you’re frazzled, running on empty, or boiling over with stress, your children will pick up on it every time.
Think of it like putting on your own oxygen mask first. Whether it’s talking things out with a professional, exercising, spending time with understanding friends, or simply finding a moment of peace for yourself, refilling your cup gives you more strength (and patience) to be the steady parent your kids need.
At Jones Law Firm, we encourage parents– you’re not being selfish. You’re modeling resilience, and that’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.
Tried-and-True Strategies to Cool the Conflict
Now, let’s tackle that persistent elephant in the room– what if your ex seems determined to keep the fires burning?
- Structure your communication
Try emails or co-parenting apps instead of phone calls or face-to-face conversations. Written communication helps keep things business-like and creates a record, which (in my experience) often leads to fewer misunderstandings and drama. - Parallel parenting can save your sanity
If co-parenting isn’t possible, parallel parenting might be the answer. It’s a setup where both parents remain involved, but daily exchanges and communications are kept to a bare minimum. Think of it as “you do your thing, I’ll do mine, and we won’t cross wires unless absolutely necessary.” - Detailed plans beat vague agreements
Get specific in your parenting plan. Set out exact drop-off times, communication methods, and steps for resolving small disputes. The less gray area, the fewer opportunities for conflict. - Don’t shy away from temporary boundaries or court orders
Sometimes, you need official orders in place. Temporary arrangements—or even protective orders, if necessary—give everyone a roadmap and help enforce expectations. It’s not about “winning,” but about providing structure for your children and peace of mind for yourself. - Mediation can help—even for small stuff
Not every disagreement has to end up in front of a judge. Mediation (sometimes with a neutral parenting coordinator) can defuse heated situations and help parents find common ground—even if only for the little details that make daily life smoother for their kids.
Just remember– managing conflict isn’t a one-time thing. It’s an ongoing process that can take practice, patience, and plenty of support. Take heart—you’re not alone on this path, and there’s absolutely no shame in reaching out for the help you need to protect your kids.
Doing the Right Thing Pays Off—in Court and in Life
Parents often wonder, “Will the judge see what I’m doing for my child?” Here’s the encouraging news– Colorado courts do notice which parent consistently puts the child’s needs first.
Let me be frank—if you’re the parent who
– Encourages your child’s relationship with their other parent,
– Shields your child from adult conflict,
– Follows routines and prioritizes emotional support,
…you’re not just helping your child—you’re strengthening your credibility if custody issues arise.
Sometimes, the judge might appoint a professional to evaluate your situation closely. In Colorado divorce or custody cases (Title 14), this typically involves a Child and Family Investigator (CFI). In cases under the Children’s Code (Title 19), it might be a Guardian ad Litem (GAL). These professionals carefully review each parent’s behavior and home environment. At this stage, being the parent who genuinely prioritizes your child’s best interests can make a profound difference—legally and emotionally.
At Jones Law Firm: Children Come First, Always
Here’s where experience counts. At Jones Law Firm, PC (Denver Divorce Attorneys), we blend commanding expertise with real compassion. Our founder, April D. Jones, has over 30 years of experience guiding Colorado families through some of life’s stormiest moments. She’s not only a recognized authority in family law and a frequent speaker on children’s issues, but she also brings personal understanding—many of us at the firm are parents, too.
- Recognized leadership: April D. Jones has been honored among Colorado’s Outstanding Women in Business and leads a team that’s resolved thousands of cases—each guided by what’s right for the child.
- Strategic & empathetic advocacy: We offer the strength to tackle conflict head-on, paired with the empathy to understand your unique challenges.
- Client-first results: We’ll work with you to develop a plan that protects your child’s best interests, helps restore stability, and empowers you as a parent.
We don’t sit on the fence—we choose sides. Yours.
Protect What Matters Most—Starting Now
At the end of the day, no article can take away all the pain or magically resolve every conflict. But the choices you make today—however small—can shape your child’s happiness and security for years to come.
If you’re ready for support that’s both strategic and sincerely caring, we’re here. Contact Jones Law Firm, PC today for a confidential consultation from our child custody attorneys. Let’s create a plan that keeps your child’s best interests front and center, steering your family toward a more hopeful, stable future.
Your family. Your future. Start here.
Protect what matters most—schedule your consultation now.
We Choose Sides. Yours.
If you have questions, doubts, or just need someone to listen, reach out. Remember—no matter how fierce the storm, you don’t have to weather it alone.
